i wanted to update before going to bed. before i forget all this....or just dont write...
i think ive hit a downwards spiral which means i need to be careful until its done again or i might do stupid things again.
I've felt depressed all day for some reason. Nothing to be depressed about really, so i dunno.
Who knows, bipolar is strange lol
i constantly think, all i need is a hug or to cuddle for a few hours and i'd be fine but i know better than that, that mentality got me into that trouble in 2009.
besides not needing it, it would be nice though.
been feeling lonely too lately, i normally dont care one way or another and havent for a long time....i dunno...i guess "old age" brings stupid thoughts. lol.
i hig my pillow to sleep, always have, dont know if thats a sad fact or just....whatever.
then when i talk with people or chat....i just feel stupid, dismissed, ...a whatever.
bah, this shit it bullshit.
I should just go to bed.
i want to be in a relationship again but having bipolar makes me think maybe i should wait until im not so unbound....wait until i get my shit in order before i get into anything...
bah, what ever. fuck the world. fml.
i often think about getting high...i could....it would be a cheap shitty high from Benadryl or CWO or both...or I could go get Vodka and get drunk....i have a babysitter, i could.
No, I cant.
see.... im fucked up again....
never mind me....
things just suck right now and i feel lonely.
pent up energy, depression, and rage all at once....so fucking fun....
what the fuck ever.
im off to bed....maybe 8am will be better.
- Music:so bad - eminem