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Lost In Wonderland
Without The Rabbit
1st-Jun-2011 02:05 am
i wanted to update before going to bed. before i forget all this....or just dont write...

i think ive hit a downwards spiral which means i need to be careful until its done again or i might do stupid things again.

I've felt depressed all day for some reason. Nothing to be depressed about really, so i dunno.

Who knows, bipolar is strange lol

i constantly think, all i need is a hug or to cuddle for a few hours and i'd be fine but i know better than that, that mentality got me into that trouble in 2009.

besides not needing it, it would be nice though.

been feeling lonely too lately, i normally dont care one way or another and havent for a long time....i dunno...i guess "old age" brings stupid thoughts. lol.

i hig my pillow to sleep, always have, dont know if thats a sad fact or just....whatever.

then when i talk with people or chat....i just feel stupid, dismissed, ...a whatever.

bah, this shit it bullshit.

I should just go to bed.


i want to be in a relationship again but having bipolar makes me think maybe i should wait until im not so unbound....wait until i get my shit in order before i get into anything...


bah, what ever. fuck the world. fml.

i often think about getting high...i could....it would be a cheap shitty high from Benadryl or CWO or both...or I could go get Vodka and get drunk....i have a babysitter, i could.

No, I cant.

see.... im fucked up again....

never mind me....

things just suck right now and i feel lonely.

pent up energy, depression, and rage all at once....so fucking fun....

what the fuck ever.

im off to bed....maybe 8am will be better.
1st-Jun-2011 11:22 pm (UTC)
*hugs* I hope you start your upwards swing soon. *hugs*
2nd-Jun-2011 05:56 am (UTC) - Suppp
This is the most normal thing I have heard all day. :D. Thank you for posting. At least I know Im not the only one who feels the same as you do.


From blueyes in Windsor. ;);)

10th-Jun-2011 06:30 pm (UTC) - Re: Suppp
:) ;)
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